Top Tips on avoiding stress and burnout in busy times.
You can be the eye of the storm.
Remaining calm when all around you is turbulent and chaotic is a skill that’s worth learning and practising. And if we’ve learnt anything over these last few years it’s that holding onto our sanity when the rest of the world seems to be overwhelmed is a blessing. But how on earth can it be achieved when we live with the demands of daily life; families, partners, work, households, shopping, cooking, socialising etc. Where are we able to find some space in all of this to tune into ourselves and breathe?
Allowing ourselves that space is not only a gift but it’s a majorly important part of self-care. I see so many posts about self-care meaning a pamper evening or a bubble bath, even curling up with a good book; and of course, it’s all of those. But it’s also so much more. Self-care starts with connecting in with ourselves and listening to what our body and our soul needs. I’ve watched so many people, especially the women in my life, put their needs on hold to do things, or be there for others. Over and over again. And then burnout hits. And burnout is a bitch. If you’ve never experienced it, I salute you, you are either very lucky or extremely disciplined but either way you deserve congratulating. Honestly, it’s no fun, and when you’re going through burnout neither are you!
You might even find once you’ve connected in with yourself that you do need a bubble bath, or a pamper evening. You might need to connect with others, go for a walk or a swim, do some yoga, write, sing, paint. Whatever it is that you need matters, what matters even more is that you commit to doing it.
But where do you even start to avoid burnout and stay calm in turbulent times?
Especially now with Christmas around the corner, school plays, carol services, gift shopping – you know what demands this time of year puts on us, even without the dreaded ‘C’, vaccines, boosters, do we/don’t we hanging over us.
This week I got the chance to have exactly this conversation with a good friend and fellow coach, the lovely Ros Jones of the Business Wellbeing Club, and her group. And without wanting to pile more onto your to-do list here are my top tips for how to stay calm over the next few weeks. They’re easy to do, don’t take long but do require you to set aside 5 minutes or so out of your day to practise. Trust me you’ll be glad you did when you find you achieve more every day because you’ve remained grounded and calm.
My Top Tips for serenity
Breathe. I realise this sounds crazy; everyone breathes right? Well yes but working with breathwork is known to calm down your central nervous system, help induce calm, lower stress levels and anxiety and connects you back in with your body and therefore out of your head and all the chatter that’s going on there. Simply taking some time to focus on your breath, taking slower, deeper breaths or even doing some counted breathwork will help. You can start with placing your hands over your heart, closing your eyes, and taking your breath as deep into your lungs as you can focussing all your thoughts and energy on simply following the flow of breath in through your nose, down into your lungs and back out again. Counted breathwork is exactly this but you count as you breath in, count as you hold your breath and count again as you breath out. This is known as box breathing. Breath in counting to 3, hold for 3 and breath out to 3. As you practise you can increase the number so your breathing becomes slower and deeper, and you connect in with your body and your breath more.
Practice gratitude. This is such a powerful thing to do. Honestly, allowing ourselves to think of things or people we’re grateful for; acknowledge and express that gratitude connects us back with our heart centres and our souls. It also shifts our mindset into a more positive, abundant, giving and receiving one. Try and either start or finish your day with thinking about 5 things that have happened during the day for which you’re grateful. They don’t have to be huge, the first blackbird arriving in our garden this morning since we moved there is definitely on my list. If it’s felt like an especially difficult day maybe connecting in with gratitude at both ends of the day might be a help.
Connect in with others. Connecting with others, sharing our thoughts, feelings and experiences helps. Make that phone call, write a letter, send a card. Smile at a stranger. Start a conversation. Apologise if you need to, admit it if you’ve overreacted or jumped to conclusions. Show gratitude, say thank you. Gift someone else with a kind word – it might just make their day. If you see someone in the street and you admire something they’re wearing or doing tell them, they’ll love it. And, really importantly here, if you need help ask. We still have a way to go with accepting and helping each other when it comes to anxiety or depression. Sharing what you’re going through might just open the door for someone else to feel able to talk. And that’s invaluable.
Have some self-compassion. Question yourself. When we’re struggling with juggling a hundred and one demands our mind can play games with us. Instead of reminding us that we’re doing really well here our thoughts can turn to being an inner critic. Instead of allowing your inner negative nellie to spiral you down that wormhole, stop and ask yourself some simple but effective questions – is this thought fair? Helpful? Accurate? Factual? Where’s the evidence for it? And if you answer ‘no’ to those questions kick that thought to the kerb, it’s not helping you at all. Tell your inner critic to stfu!
Do something practical. Using our hands takes our focus out of our heads. Cooking, cleaning, gardening, creating, hugging all of these and more bring our focus back into ourselves through the sense of touch. Touch is so essential to our everyday lives, to how we feel. Use your hands, connect through your hands, even if only for 5 minutes. Did you know that stroking a pet not only feels fantastic but lowers cortisol levels in your blood, boosts our feel-good hormones and lowers blood pressure by 10% when done for around 15 minutes?
Have a go at mindfulness. Why? Because it’s awesome and brings us back to the here and now, not what’s in the past, or what might happen in the future but where we are, and what is happening right here, right now. Focus on what is around you. What can you smell, hear, see, feel? What is your experience of this moment in time? Staying in the present means you can really focus all your energy on the task at hand. We spend way too long worrying about the past or the future and forget to be in the moment. (And if you’ve never tried this, or want to brush up on your skills I’m running a month-long challenge next February)
Re-frame your thoughts. I don’t mean think positive here. To be totally honest I hate it when you’re going through something stressful, and someone tells you to stay positive. If it was that easy…. but we can re-frame our thoughts. Instead of thinking this is hopeless, it’s never going to end remind yourself that you’ve got through things before, hard times have moved into good times, and you will get through this too. If you shift your words to something like, I’ve made it through hard times before, this will end, I can get through this, you shift your attitude to a more controlled and active rather than passive mindset. Listen to how you speak to yourself, the words you use and consciously work to changing them. Praise yourself instead of criticising, you deserve it.
Ground yourself. Getting out of your head and connecting with the earth we live on, and are a part of, helps. Whether you get outdoors and walk; go out into the garden or park and simply stand on the earth or stomp your feet; or use a grounding visualisation or technique to connect with Mother Earth doesn’t matter. What matters is that you do it. Connecting with our planet brings us back down to earth, reminds us that normally the things we’re stressing over is, usually, quite small in the scheme of things. Now, I’m in no way trying to say that it doesn’t matter, or it’s immaterial. I’m not, in any way denigrating your demands at all. Every demand on our time matters. But connecting with the earth reminds us that we are but a small cog in a big wheel, supported by the earth and by the universe and that this too shall pass. Of course, one of my favourite ways is to wear or carry a crystal that holds grounding, stabilising energy. Something like a Hematite, Smokey Quartz, or Jasper. Shungite helps remove negative energy. Keep them on or near you, by your computer or bed. Remember to cleanse and charge them and they’ll serve you well. Of course, being an aromatherapist means I also love grounding scents, search for aura sprays or body sprays that are natural and include essential oils such as Vetivert, Bergamot, Rosemary, Eucalyptus and Lime.
Affirmations are the powerhouse statements that work on our brains to reframe not only our thoughts but also our brain patterns. When we have consistent thoughts, we create neural pathways. If you shift those thoughts, you create new pathways and lose those you no longer use. Repeating affirmations will, over time, change the way we think and the way we see things naturally. How magical is that hey?
Self-care. Yes, I realise I said self-care was more than bubble baths. That’s not what we’re talking about right here on this point. If you know coffee makes you hyper, do you really need it? Would you be better with a low caffeine green tea, a chai or a herbal tea? Wouldn’t you feel better if you ate a nutritious snack or lunch instead of grabbing that brownie? When you’re really, really busy you need to watch the stimulants, the indulgences and take consistent action. Get up at the same time, go to bed at a decent time, restrict electronic devices before sleep. Eat and drink things that will build an energy reserve in your body rather than deplete it. Quick sugar highs are really not what you need (I know, I know but you know it makes sense really).
Set intentions. Before you get out of bed, or when you’re in the shower ask yourself ‘how do I want to feel today?’. And then feel it. You can create your own mood, yes, really. You can. You are that powerful. You can talk yourself into irritability and inertia before the day even starts, or you can embrace the day ahead choosing to feel grateful, awake and with a balanced mindset. Set some intentions for yourself each morning to help your journey through the day and see what happens as a result.
Limit exposure to social media and the news. Feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and social media or the news will simply result in you feeling even worse. Social media especially can be a black hole when it comes to time. If you must then limit your time and set an alarm and follow it. Stop scrolling when that alarm goes off. If you need to connect with people see point 3 above, that will be much more helpful and will also deepen your connection with that person.
Now I know none of this is new and mind-blowing information, but it deserves repeating as a simple reminder. Connecting into ourselves, finding a few minutes a day to do so is not indulgent, it is incredibly powerful and very important. You deserve this. Your family and friends deserve this. It might just be the thing that lets you tick off everything on your to-do list without having to hit the sugar, wine, or gin!
The relationship we have with our minds, our bodies and our souls is an incredibly powerful one. When we look at biology, we know that one negative thought can release a whole stream of defence mode chemicals designed to keep us safe. Thankfully for most of us we don’t need extreme fight or flight responses, but our body is geared to do just that, and flooding it with adrenaline and other chemicals doesn’t help our serenity on a day-to-day level and can, over time lead to adrenal burnout (even worse that emotional burnout, been there, done that, wore the t-shirt out. Trust me it’s no fun). Keeping your focus on, making time, even if it is just 5 minutes a day, on connecting in with yourself will help reframe your thoughts and your stress levels. You’ll deal with things easier as they crop up, be less irritable or exhausted, you’ll find more joy in the day which means you’ll be able to see solutions instead of problems and then you can help even more people. And how wonderful is that.
Have a go, try some new ones, and let me know how you get on. I’m off now for a mindful walk with the pooch in the rain….